4/9/26

And so this week’s moment of happiness despite the news.

This week is the last week of my 6-week hiatus from teaching. The six weeks have been incredibly healing and necessary. My health is back to where it should be. I think I’ve slept more in the last six weeks than I have in my entire life! I am well-rested for the first time in…forever. Emotionally, I can’t say I’m dancing through the daisies, but I’m better.

This week, though, I felt things shift. For the first five weeks, I spent most of my time sleeping, writing, relaxing. I’ve played video games and watched television (currently watching Frasier again and watched the movies MidWinter Break and The Friend), and I’ve read book after book after book. My time at home has been very much like my retreats in Oregon…I’ve read at breakfast, lunch, snack time, dinner, and before bed. There are books everywhere!

But today is Thursday…I begin teaching again on Monday, but really, I return to work on Saturday, as that’s when I have to start reading student manuscripts. My return is also dovetailing with the release of my new poetry collection, The Birth Of A Widow, and preparations and promotion are underway for the book’s launch. There will actually be two launches. The first one, on May 2, will be a two-parter, with my leading a workshop called “Finding The Words – Writing About Grief” at AllWriters’ in the morning, and then the launch will be in the evening at Books & Company in Oconomowoc, WI. I will be in conversation with traumatic grief therapist Marcia Williams. Then later in June, the book will also be launched at the Vision Zero summit in Milwaukee.

My appearance schedule has suddenly exploded, with bookings going all the way into August.

So…the end of my break means hitting the gas pedal and going from zero to hundred just like that. The last two nights, I’ve had trouble falling asleep.

I know I’m worried about the overwhelm returning. For the first time in 31 years of teaching, 21 years of running AllWriters’, my schedule caused me to trip, and then to stagger, and then to come to a screeching halt.

Will that happen again?

I’ve never felt anxious about teaching or book releases before. I’ve always walked into a room with confidence. Years ago, after an appearance at the Southeast Wisconsin Festival of Books, I ran across a review of the festival that read, “I want to be Kathie Giorgio when I grow up. When she walks onto the stage, she owns the room. She owns the world.”

Well, the world spun away from me for a while.

But here’s the thing.

I know who I am. 😊 I know my goals. I know what I can do, and I know I can do it.

This week, I began to see emails again from my students, and each time, it was like getting an injection of adrenalin. Then, as I double-checked and approved the email blast from my publicist, announcing the book’s launch, there was the adrenalin again. Readers are already emailing me, telling me what The Birth Of A Widow is doing for them. Oh, adrenalin. Oh, lovely.

And when I did finally fall asleep early this morning, there was a dream about Michael.

In the dream, I was sitting at my writing table, working on what I now recognize is a new-new book (as opposed to my most recently published book, or to the novel that is going to be released in 2027). When I glanced up from my screen, Michael was sitting in my rocking chair. He was reading, and when I looked closer, I saw the book was The Birth Of A Widow.

I froze.

He looked over at me and smiled. “You know this happened to you too,” he said. “Not just to me.” He closed the book. “You did great,” he said.

While he didn’t specify, I knew he was referring to everything. How I handled things after the accident. How I took care of him. How I dealt with the aftermath of his death. And how I wrote the book, letting the unexpected poems come, instead of trying to stuff them down.

And how I’ve dealt with tripping, staggering, stopping. And getting back up.

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but the following is true.

Michael came into my life in 1995, when teaching was still new for me. We were married in 1999. In that time, I went from teaching a couple classes to teaching everywhere, online or live, every night of the week. Michael said I was capable and had a lot to give.

In 2002, I went to grad school, earning my MFA in Fiction. I’d wanted to do this for years…in fact, I’d applied for and was accepted into the graduate program at the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee in 1983 – the year after I graduated with my bachelors in creative writing from the University of Wisconsin – Madison. I chickened out then, for a variety of reasons, but mostly the environment I was in. But in 2001, with my life entwined with Michael, I went. Michael said I could do it, even with a year-old baby and three teenagers and an already busy schedule teaching. I graduated in 2004.

In 2005, I opened AllWriters’ Workplace & Workshop LLC. I knew nothing about running a small business. I applied for a small business loan, and was told I had no business being in business, that my business plan was not viable. But Michael said I could do it. AllWriters’ is now international and 21 years old.

I went through 4 agents, trying to get a novel published. Two of the agents were top notch, one representing Ray Bradbury, the other representing Joyce Carol Oates. They couldn’t sell me. I figured a novel was just not in the realm of possibility for me. Michael said it was. So I sold my first novel, and all of the others, on my own, without an agent, and to traditional publishers. The Home For Wayward Clocks came out in 2011. Books #16 and #17 came out this year. In 2027, Book #18 will be released. If you’re counting, that’s 18 books in 16 years. Michael was at all of the launches, but not for #15 and #16, and he won’t be there when The Birth Of A Widow launches, or when my new novel is released next year.

But I feel his presence still.

What I am trying to say is that having someone who believes in you, completely, unconditionally, never a doubt, someone who is a life-cheerleader, who believes you can do anything you set your mind to, is just the most precious, priceless, incredible gift. Particularly when you’re someone who hasn’t had that gift before.

And especially when you realize that this belief has crossed over into you. You embody that belief now, even when that person is no longer alive.

In my dream, Michael said that I’ve done great. Well…I have.

As I said…I know who I am.

Back to teaching on Monday. Book launch on May 2.

Let’s go.

And yes, that helps. Despite. Anyway.