And so this week’s moment of happiness despite the news.
Well, this was a weird week.
I live in Wisconsin. The state of snow and cold, the state of lovely summers with bright blue skies and puffy white clouds, green grass, green trees…
And yes, sometimes tornadoes. Not often. But sometimes. I’ve lived here for 53 years, in a variety of towns, and I’ve never actually been in a tornado. I’ve been through lots of tornado warnings, but never the real deal.
And then this week…real deal tornadoes all around me, on Monday night, Tuesday night, and Wednesday night. Trees down, roofs torn off, amazing damage. And flooding, since we have a lot of rivers.
No, I wasn’t hurt, and I sustained no damage – though we had hail last night and my car was outside. I haven’t gone to look at it yet.
But it was three nights in a row of tornado sirens going off (which my cats had never heard before, and it totally freaked them out). Incredible wind. Rain falling so hard, I couldn’t even see individual drops, it was just a solid wall falling from the sky. At one point last night, the wind, hail, and rain were hitting my bedroom window so hard, I thought it was going to shatter.
So of course, you know I had to look at the cats several times and say, “Totos? Have we been beamed to Kansas?”
While my window never shattered, my nerves sure did. My condo does not have a basement. And all three floors have floor to ceiling windows, and the ceilings are high. I was teaching a class on Zoom Tuesday night, a class that normally meets live in my classroom, when the sirens went off. Cats and I went down to the classroom, our lowest floor, and I sat and taught, watching the students on my computer screen when they were normally in the classroom with me, but I was in the classroom by myself, albeit with two orange cats. Several of my students were in their basements as well. I’ve lived in this condo for 20 years and I haven’t really missed a basement, but for the last three nights, I surely have.
There was also weirdness in the news. I never ever ever thought I’d see the day that ANY president would use AI to post a picture of himself as Jesus, helping a sick man, and then following it up with a picture of the president being hugged by Jesus. That’s an argument for the danger of AI right there.
This was combined with my return to teaching after a six-week hiatus. So I went from sleeping an untold number of hours, to my usual schedule, which was extremely shortened because of the storms late into the night. Two of these three nights, I only slept for a couple hours. On one night, I didn’t sleep at all.
But…returning to teaching got me through my week (of which I still have today and tomorrow to get through, and Saturday, because I have a once-a-month class then). Returning gave me Moment after Moment after Moment, as I reconnected with students and clients. (For those who don’t know, I use “student” for those in classes, and “client” for those in one-on-one coaching). I was applauded. I was cheered for. I was welcomed home. The AllWriters’ motto is, “If you’re a writer, welcome home.” I was delightfully welcomed back to the home I created.
Now that the six weeks are over, I can tell you I entered into my hiatus, a very necessary hiatus, with a huge amount of fear. What if every student, every client, left? What if they discovered they didn’t need me at all, or worse yet, what if they discovered that they could find someone else who gives what I do, what the studio does?
Small businesses are created every day. And small businesses die every day too, whether they’ve been around for a year or for decades.
So while I worked hard to rest, to relax, to heal (which that added to the weirdness too…work hard to rest?), I was also sweating out worry.
In a class on my first day back, one of my students asked me, “What did you learn from this hiatus?” Well, one of the things that I learned was that I didn’t have to worry. Only one student didn’t return. I’m not going to say out of how many, because your eyes would boggle. They always do, when someone asks me how many clients and students I have. And that doesn’t even count the students and clients who work with my faculty.
So I learned I didn’t have to worry. But you know what? I probably still will.
But what I did learn, and learned really well, was that I have to take care of myself, particularly right now, as I navigate my way through losing Michael, and losing him in the way that he was taken from me. That was a shock to my system like no other.
Which means I am treading carefully. (Although tornadoes sure didn’t help this week!) A minimum of 85 working hours per week for 21 years needs to change, moving into the future. Not overnight, but gradually. I don’t know how…but I’m thinking, which is always a good sign.
But being welcomed back like this…oh, holy cow. That created a tornado of absolute joy and pleasure. And, well, knowledge. A couple weeks ago, I was poking around the clothes at a St. Vinnie’s and I came across a bright pink t-shirt. In bold black letters, it shouted, “A Woman Who Knows Her Worth.” I hesitated, but then put it into my cart.
Today, I’m wearing it.
So much gratitude to all of my students and clients at AllWriters’.
And yes, that helps. Despite. Anyway.
