And so today’s moment of happiness despite the news.
After yesterday’s difficult decision over whether I should use the blip of time I had for writing or for meditation, I was relieved to find an easier time of it today. My writing time was spent over coffee with my publicist. By the time I got home, I had twenty minutes before my first evening client. So…I meditated.
I don’t go for the sitting-in-the-lotus-position meditation. When I first started, the person who encouraged me said, “I meditate in my recliner. Meditation requires comfort.” I applauded that, and since then, have always meditated in my recliner. Most of the time, I am under an electric throw blanket, turned on high. I’ve learned that warmth and comfort lead to bliss. At least in my world.
So. Headphones on, blanket on, feet up, I began to listen to the drone of one of my favorite guided meditations.
And then…I plunged asleep. No fall. This was a steep dive over a cliff. There one minute, gone the next.
The sleep was bone-deep. It was a sleep where I was aware of my own unconsciousness. I knew I was out. And I was okay with that.
And then I dreamed. The warmth became a living being. I watched as the blanket became two red-robed arms, majestic arms, and then they wrapped themselves tightly around me. My memory is thick now with the sensation of my head tilting, my cheek rubbing against the rich material, and oh, the heat. Not the burning-from-the-inside-out that I’ve been experiencing with the anti-cancer medication, but just the most profound warmth. The comfort. There is no other word for what I did: I snuggled.
And then I woke up. My heated throw was up to my chin and there was a purring cat on my chest. My guided meditation finished, the timer told me, fifteen minutes before. I was now five minutes late for my client. Which led to a frantic scramble as the cat was tossed to one side, the blanket to another, and I tried to climb back to clarity and my computer screen.
My client wasn’t upset. And the class I taught tonight was superb. Through it all, I held onto that embrace. Warmth was in my veins.
Hold on to small graces.
And yes, that helps. Despite. Anyway.