2/1/25

And so this week’s moment of happiness despite the news.

It’s a late Moment. Two days late. But for a very good reason, if you consider me running in 20 directions at once a very good reason!

Last night was the AllWriters’ 20^th Birthday Celebration event. My studio, AllWriters’ Workplace & Workshop, is officially 20 years old. This is at once stunning and “of course”-ing to me. You live a split life when you own a small business. One life is being afraid all of the time – there is no such thing as absolute confidence that your business will survive. Small businesses can change on a dime – and sometimes, it’s a dime that changes them. But the other life is absolute pride in what you’ve done, absolute confidence that what you’re offering is worthwhile, and absolute love in what you do.

I went from walking into a bank to get a small business loan, to walking out after being told I had no business being in business and my idea was not viable, to starting the business anyway, to 20 years of existence. All of the two lives mentioned above pertain to me on a daily basis – no less so now that Michael is gone and I am my only source of income.

It’s scary. It’s wonderful. Well, it’s what I do.

Last night was an incredible night. I rented the large room in a park & rec building to hold the studio’s party. This room was the first room I ever taught in, when Waukesha Park & Rec asked me to teach almost thirty years ago. On this night, the room was packed. My nerves are always jangly before an event; I’ve filled a room with 400 people, and I’ve had nights when no one showed up at all. This night was amazing.

I was introduced by former Waukesha mayor Larry Nelson, who was also my middle son Andy’s 8^th grade English teacher. I hardly recognized myself as he spoke about me. I went on to talk a little about the history of the studio, and then about this last year, which has been the hardest year of my life, and thus the hardest year for the studio. This was followed by readings by my faculty, including my reading an excerpt from the novel Michael was writing before he died, and reading from my own work. Three students read as well.

It was such an evening! An evening of words, of the love of literature, of community and support and encouragement…and I don’t think I have ever felt so appreciated.

It’s interesting what stands out to me though. There was a gift bag and a card that keeps playing through my head. I received the card first. On the outside, it said, “Sometimes we wonder if all the hard work is really worth it.”

Oh, yeah.

I’ve been asked several times if I would speak to entrepreneurs groups. I have done so – but I’ve always warned them that I might just say, “Don’t do it!” depending on the day. Running your own business is definitely a labor of love, and it’s a 24/7 deal. I’ve laughed when people have told me that it must be wonderful to be able to pick and choose when I work. Not even close. But the difference is…and it’s a BIG difference…I love what I do. I have a family member who counted down every day until his retirement…for years before the retirement came to be. I cannot imagine living – and working – such a life. I am sixty-four years old, and I don’t plan on retiring. Cutting back, maybe, someday. But I will never stop what I’m doing.

Then there was the gift bag. The gift itself was so lovely…a framed print of a photo of me and all of my books, along with a photo of my student and all six of her books. But the bag, oh, the bag. On the bag, it said, “You were created to make a difference.”

I may just cut that part out of the bag and have it framed as well. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, in writing and in teaching.

Let me tell you, getting to see, to experience, all around you, absolute proof that you are doing what you’ve set out to do, and not only are you doing it, but you’re doing it well, you’re doing it beyond your wildest dreams, your biggest expectations…that just doesn’t happen very often. But I experienced it last night. I spoke with, and was hugged by, former students, current students, and future students. I was in the room where the teaching experience all started, and it was now almost thirty years later (I’ll have been teaching thirty years in April – I taught for ten years in community and continuing education before starting AllWriters’) and what began as a reluctant step into a classroom has become a fulfilling life.

With bumps and bruises along the way. But one of the things I teach is that just because you find yourself on the path you’re supposed to be on, doesn’t mean that path is going to be straight or easy.

There are days when you wonder if all the hard work is worth it. But then you realize you were created to make a difference.

And holy moly. I’m doing it.

And yes, that helps. Despite. Anyway.